WHAT IS UP??!! Spring is in the air today, and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Hold on y’all, because warmer weather IS COMING.
Ok, I’m going to just jump straight into this.
Yesterday morning, I woke up to some pretty tasteless, inappropriate, rude, untrue, harsh, terrible, pathetic comments about me on reddit. I know, I know. It’s reddit. I don’t personally have a reddit account, but my husband LOVES to tell me all of the latest CrossFit drama, tips, and other entertaining things people say on there. Other than what he tells me, I really have no idea..besides the fact that Serena Williams’ husband is like the co-founder of it, or something like that.
My friend, Josh, posted a dope shot from our gym’s Friday Night Lights from last Friday. He’s a funny guy, and an amazing photographer, and he probably just got bored of editing hundreds of images of people lunging with dumbbells over their head and attempting to do strict handstand pushups. So, he decided to insert Pablo Escobar in some of the pics.. just for fun.
I’ll be honest, when I first saw the picture last Thursday ( I think it was) I was appalled… not at Josh (he has made me look good in pictures for over two years now).. I was appalled at myself… haha… but NOT because of how I looked. I was appalled at my knee. As a coach, and someone trying to not get hurt working out, I’m all about keeping that knee stacked over my shoe, but I was trying to go as fast as I could to buy time for those strict HSPU, so my lunges were a litttlleeee lung-y, I guess you could say. I also wish that dumbbell was a little more stacked over my head, but who knows what length this was of the lunges. Anyway, THOSE were the things I saw.. not the way I looked.
On Sunday morning, I woke up to a few texts and direct messages from people telling me that I was “reddit famous.” A couple of the messages warned me that people were saying some pretty hurtful things. So, of course I have to go check it out.
Within a minute of scrolling, the comments hit me. I’m not going to give straight up examples on here. But they were assumptions from people declaring that I was on steroids. This isn’t the part that bothered me. I know I’m not, and I don’t even know what that entails. And when I kept reading the word “juicing” I had to laugh a little.
The part that stung a little for me was all of the comments about my appearance – basically that my appearance would lead these people to believe that I was on steroids. They didn’t stop there though. They literally broke my body down, piece by piece…focusing mostly on my boobs, my arms, and my face. Good thing they couldn’t see the size (or lack of size of my right leg) Whew. It was like..I wanted to keep reading, but I didn’t…These people were talking about MY FACE (breaking it down), my BOOBS (or lack thereof.. whatever), and all of the parts of me that basically shouldn’t look the way they do. They made assumptions about what the rest of my body must look like (because of the steroids…). They talked about my period and how there’s no way I can have a period looking like that. And I’ll just throw out there again that I have had a normal period for the past two + years, since I got off birth control. This is not something I take for granted, being a person who stays lean and active, and I am thankful for that.
They made fun of my friend, Jerry for being a perv for taking pics of me (PS, he wasn’t “taking pics of my ass”…he was being nice enough to video my open workout because up until last week, I was doing very well in the Open, and I needed to make sure I videoed my workouts because I was getting legit emails from CrossFit asking for my videos to prove that my score matched what I submitted). AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT, TO THE HATERS WHO FLIPPED ON MY 9TH IN THE WORLD FIRST OPEN WORKOUT VIDEO BC MY SQUATS WEREN’T TO DEPTH, CROSSFIT WAS JUST FINE WITH THEM, WHILE THEY WERE PRETTY GOOD ABOUT TAKING REPS AWAY FROM OTHER PEOPLE, I PASSED THE TEST. JUST WANT TO LET THOSE FEW PEOPLE KNOW THAT CROSSFIT WAS GREAT WITH MY VIDEO. I APPRECIATE THE CONCERN THOUGH.
Anyway, I’ll leave the rundown of comments at that. Mind you, this was only after a few hours of this post being up. Josh told me that he took it down a few hours later, which I hate. I wish he would have left it up. Not that I was going back to read more. NOOO WAYYYY. I already saw enough in 15 minutes.
I figured I would do a post on this for a couple of reasons:
- The response I got yesterday in regards to those reddit comments was HUGE… I mean, I’m no legit social media influencer, so for me to receive over 150 messages and or texts from people meant so much and impacted me, for sure. I appreciate the kind words. I appreciate the influence. And I FELT the pain that came from some of those – (some weren’t even fitness related, but just about mean terrible things people had said about their appearance), and I made it a goal to try my best and respond to each and every message.
- I guess writing about this is therapeutic for me, for sure.
Here’s what I would LOVE to tell these people:
Yes, you caught my attention. You wasted about 30 minutes of my time on a Sunday morning. You distracted me from my husband, my Kodiak cakes waffle, and some clients that I genuinely enjoy checking up on first thing on Sunday morning through email.
BUT….you made me better. You taught me A LOT.
You made me GO OUT OF MY WAY to LOVE people yesterday… to be more unassuming, less judgmental, and to see people for how beautiful they are. You really did something to me. Ok, I’m about to lose it as I type this (it’s that time of the month.. PTL for periods. Especially when you’re trying to do a lot of burpees and bar muscle ups this morning. Like I said, despite that, I am thankful that I still get them, and I don’t take that for granted).
Anyway, FOCUS ALISON…
You made me have some really great conversations with some people yesterday – half of them being people I barely know/or don’t even know.. some being from all over the country.
You made me thankful for the HARD WORK I HAVE PUT IN OVER THE PAST SEVERAL YEARS. Let me be REAL.. I am NOT a games athlete, or at that caliber. I am a girl in a gym, who loves to workout, who still loves doing the CLASS workout every day, who makes up all of her extra programing (however, when Colin or someone else offers to give me something extra every now and then, I get really happy about that and it makes me better, just saying). I’ve backed off a lot over the past several months (SO I WOULDN’T GO CRAZY, so my body would stay put together, because I really would LOVE to be a mom one day and I think my husband, Daniel would be the BEST DAD on EARTH, and so I could focus on rehabbing my shoulder).
Despite little nagging injuries, I have overcome an achilles surgery – one that fully ruptured and didn’t get put back together correctly, which led to a hip injury. I have overcome achilles surgery part 2, in which I had to start all over again and get it repaired again. SO, YOU BET I HAVE WORKED MY ASS OFF IN THAT REGARDS. I still don’t take myself too seriously though, and because of that, loving tacos and gin and time in the sun, and vacations with Daniel, and time out of the gym with friends, and COACHING and HELPING OTHER PEOPLE, I know that it would take a long shot to ever make it to the Games, and I’m ok with that. I’ve already won.
Anyway, back on track..
I would love for these people to know that those spots on my chest.. those are freckles. I attribute that to time at the beach and on the water with my friends and family growing up, and spending way too much time at the pool in college, and going to some pretty BOMB tropical places with my husband. And yeah, I do have marks on my back. They’re called scars from acne when I was in middle school. I was on Accutane and it was a horrible experience and may have even ruined my skin worse ( I also didn’t’ stay out of the sun like I was supposed to, to be fair).
My face.. this one did get me hard for a minute.. My face has always been a part of me that I guess ya know, isn’t my favorite part of me. But the older I get, the more I love it. I see both my mom and my dad in my face and in my expressions. I love them both very much. I also see the bags under my eyes, and although I know I don’t have kids or a baby to keep me up at night, I’m glad that I could get up at 4 am that morning to coach. Usually by Friday night, I’m a zombie. I see a lot of imperfections, and maybe one day I’ll touch those up (I personally don’t see anything wrong with someone wanting work done…YOU DO YOU GIRL). I’m just not there yet. Also most of our extra money goes to getaways with each other, ice cream, and workout clothes. I don’t think anyone should ever be ashamed of their face because it was literally given to them by their creator.
My frame.. maybe if you really knew what was going on inside my head that night, you would have been a little less harsh. Truth is, I went to see my friends, the Sumners , for lunch that day. Nancy is one of the kindest, coolest people on earth, and she always has some food over there for me when I come intrude on their day to say hey. I ate some salad, and the dressing just made me so bloated – lol. So, yeah, maybe I didn’t feel 100% confident that night in my own skin. And on top of that, ya girl has never been TINY. I was always the large girl growing up. IDK why because my parents aren’t large or athletic build BUT my brother and I have always been able to get big pretty easily. He was an offensive lineman growing up, and was a dang good one. I was a three sport athlete growing up, and I wasn’t scared to take someone out on the soccer field. I’ll never forget weighing 114 lb in the 4th grade, and that number being announced to my entire class one day. I still beat them all at situp contests though, and I was always the first girl picked for kickball. You win some, you lose some, I guess. I wore husky and plus sizes growing up – PTL that Limited Too (now Justice, I think) and Gap Kids started carrying those bigger sizes. In high school I battled with under eating, and then I liked to drink A LOT.. A LOT of beer, or whatever was easiest to find or steal. We had to do a little bit of lifting for high school basketball, and I remember my 16 year old boyfriend telling me that my arms were getting bigger – like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I was mortified. I told my coach that I coudn’t lift weights anymore because my arms were getting too big. I really do feel like I’ve always had the body type that can put on muscle pretty easily. When I was in college, I battled even more with my weight and over exercising. I did whatever I could to make my body “skinny” but it just wasn’t happening. I wasn’t healthy. And as soon as I married Daniel and moved to Anderson, I spent some time in the hospital because of how I had thrown my body into exhaustion (just by overdoing it running and in the gym) and had developed some heart issues. I’m sure Daniel LOVED calling 9-1-1 in the middle of the night to let them know his wife was passed out and not waking back up. Thankfully, I started CrossFit in 2013, and although I’m not perfect, I can say that I’ve not only accepted my body time, but embraced it for what it CAN DO and for how STRONG and HEALTHY it is, and I’ve been thankful to see many other people do the same over the past several years.
And last, but not least.. my IDENTITY. While I still struggle with this, and I have to constantly be taking steps to fight against this, my identity isn’t in what I look like or how I look. I know that if I fall into that trap, I’m going to be verrrrry disappointed one day. I know that I am more than that, and the people closest to me know that. I also know 100% that MY identity is in God. I know that if it weren’t, moments like what happened yesterday would crush me and probably make me not want to get out of bed for awhile. I know that scripture tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I’m thankful that I was able to go to church yesterday morning and that the sermon (by my friend, CrossFit bud, and pastor, Brian Cheek) was spot on. And that I could sing songs with lyrics like,
“When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me.”
I know that not everyone can relate to this in the exact same way I can, but hopefully you have a ROCK to cling to when times are good, and when times are tough. And if you ever have questions, I’d love to talk to you about it.
Ok, time to go back to the gym so I can watch people get their first bar muscle up, or do better in that 19.4 score (although I didn’t LOL I don’t care…I tried).
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far 🙂 and as always, I hope you know that I am being real with these posts, and sometimes being REAL = a lot of typos and grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes. I never said I was GREAT at writing, but I will leave it all out there.
Have a great week, go out of your way to love people, and be unassuming. PEACE.
I know that not everyone can relate to that,