Happy Monday! Mondays are great depending on how you look at them. It’s a fresh start. So, if you went hard and ate the BEST wedding food yesterday – complete with fried chicken, gravy, and banana pudding – today is a good day to start over. I did it for my friend Chanel. And because it was good. No shame. Which also meant I couldn’t complain when I wanted to throw up said banana pudding all over the assault bike today. BUT, Mondays are always great for getting back on track – especially when they involve basically a little heavier Fran – with chest to bar pullups and bar facing burpees in there too.
Anyway, let’s talk about getting over ourselves, shall we?
So, to be honest with all of you (and just a reminder, the point of me ever telling you anything on here is in hopes that you can somewhat relate- whether in the gym, your job, your family, or anything else in your great life)
A little over 2 weeks ago I was in beautiful, warm Miami for Wodapalooza – with 2 of my good friends and teammates, Marlie and Jackie, as well as thousands of other people. WZA is pretty freaking awesome. It was my first time, and it lived up to ALL of the HYPE. Everything about it. We had a lot of fun competing, watching really great people compete, and just hanging out.
But let’s talk about myself and that first little event we did Friday morning. Assault to Fran. It sounds pretty terrible, doesn’t it? Not that I was THRILLED about it by any means, but I actually was kinda looking forward to it. Heavy thrusters and chest to bar pullups to make Fran even more brutal. Oh, and throw the assault bike in there too, which I actually really do like because I like suffering. Chest to bar pullups are a huge weakness of mine, but I kinda like thrusters, and prefer NOT to put the bar down – even when they’re heavy. I practiced it in the gym the week before. My time wasn’t like super great or anything, but it would have at least given Jackie and Marlie time to get through it too.
I’m not really sure what happened in that workout, but I don’t really remember anything after about 15 of my 21 thrusters, which was I dunno.. like 30 seconds into the workout. I don’t really know how to make this NOT sound dramatic – but I lost my strength, couldn’t feel my legs, blood was coming out of my mouth from where I apparently nailed my chin on the bar, and it got to where I couldn’t even pull myself up. Hot mess. And dramatic.
Maybe I didn’t prepare like I should have. I thought I did. Maybe I wasn’t rested enough. Maybe something is off with my body, despite the feeling of my nutrition being the best it’s ever been lately. (I’m actually finally able to get into the doc this week, so we’ll see). Maybe I had a panic attack – even though I wasn’t more nervous than usual. The medics were really great, and as embarrassing as it was, they did one of those EKG things and checked my blood pressure and all that good stuff, and just said I was probably really dehydrated. I’ve never gone out like that in a workout before. But, yeah… after a workout, all the time. I just couldn’t fight through it like I wanted to. Yeah, I finished, but it was a disaster.
I would say I’m laughing about it now, but…still too soon.
What sucked the most at the time was that I felt like I had let Jackie and Marlie down. The only action Marlie got in that workout was carrying me off the floor and yelling for a medic to come get me before I fell on her and crushed her. Sucks.
So, what do you do from there? I didn’t really feel so hot, but honesty, mentally, I was waaaayyyy worse than how my body felt. And embarrassed. Like really embarrassed. Because I care a lot about what people think of me. I say I don’t, but then when something doesn’t go my way, I realize, oh, yeah, I still do. When in all reality, people probably weren’t even watching or don’t even care.
Like I said, it was still a great weekend! We didn’t drown or get eaten by a shark while swimming at night. In fact, we thrived through that. We crushed those 120 lb Rogue sandbag balls, when they in fact crushed a lot of girls there. We laughed a lot. We met some great people. I set a new PR for the amount of Whole Foods eaten in one weekend. We finished that last event strong. And I felt so thankful to get to be a part of it all.
But all that drama to say that I came out of Wodapalooza scared to death and probably worse mentally than I’ve been this whole past year. I’ve been fighting hard in my little brain to get back to sanity.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to bounce back from it. I’ve tried really hard over the past year to work on everything I’m not good at – which is a lot. It’s easy to focus on what I still am not great at vs. the progress I’ve made to get me closer to my goals.
But all that to say… here’s what I’m learning:
When things don’t go the way you want them to, and it throws you off, despite your best efforts…people see that. They watch how you respond when things don’t go your way.
See, you learn a lot about yourself in the gym. And what I’m learning most right now (and I don’t like it) is how sometimes I really do still care about what people think. See, at Wodapalooza, I knew girls from Regionals. I knew girls from other bigger competitions. I met girls that follow me on instagram or read my blog, and I met random people that informed me that based on the way I look, I should be in the elite division. (While in the process, we were barely hanging on to be in Rx). But when I didn’t perform great, I was really concerned about what people would think of me – people who maybe saw the workout go down, or our friends and coaches back home that said they were going to live stream it and watch us. Or just people who would think “How has that girl made it to Regionals or these other competitions?”
It’s dumb, I know. But life would be way better if we didn’t care so much about what other people think of us. You do you. And I do me.
My friends remind me of this from time to time, but people are going to follow you because of who you are – not because of how you do in a workout. You’re not defined by one workout that didn’t go the way you wanted it to. Sometimes things don’t go as planned, so, what do you do about that?
You freaking get back up, put your head down, and work through it.
I’m not your pretty mover, perfect CrossFit girl that gets it right every time, or even most of the time for that matter. I’m on the strugglebus some days. Some days I literally forget how to make my body do the simplest of movements. Today it was again, figuring how to not fall out of rhythm when I butterfly my chest to bar pullups. Seriously. Again. I train, and practice, and listen, and practice some more. But things don’t always go as pretty as I see it go down in my sweet, little head. Maybe you can relate to that in some way.
No matter where you’re at in this fitness journey, or what your goals are, just remember to enjoy the process. So much of what you will battle through is mental. You can always do way more than you think you can. And most importantly, every day isn’t going to go the way you want it to. It’s amazing how God created our bodies to move and do cool things, but they’re not going to work 100% like we want them to every. single. day. BUT hopefully that keeps you hungry, humble, and hard working – always wanting to get better. It definitely does for me.
But like I’ve always said on here — so much of what goes down in the gym can be applied to life outside of the gym, so hopefully you can apply it to your life when you feel like you’ve fallen short.
Just being real. I’m fighting through it one day at a time- and here’s how:
-I’m grateful to be able to move in the first place. I’m not much of a be still kind of person, but if I can just take a minute every morning to be thankful for the ability to move, and workout, and train, and coach others, it’s a game changer.
-There’s a verse I love – Philippians 1:6 – that’s just kinda always been there and I’ve been able to relate it to different places or stages of my life. “Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” –I dunno what you believe, but I believe that there is a God out there that doesn’t just give up on us.
-I work hard – even when I don’t want to – knowing that it will all pay off (even if the so called “reward” doesn’t look like how I envisioned it).